Connection and Compassion amidst Social Isolation
The world is indeed a different place than it was just a few years ago. Factors of assurance such as stable jobs, affordable housing, available food, and transportation resources are more of a difficult find. Schooling and jobs have become hybrid or fully remote, and with less personal interaction involved. Families have had to scramble with managing less resources, more expenses, and often balancing even more responsibilities at a time. So much change, so much unknown, and so much unsurety externally has had a great impact on our internal worlds as well.
Social Isolation
Think about the past few years for you: What have you dealt with? What emotions have you experienced regularly? What different sensations have you experienced in your body? What connections have you felt missing or overwhelming? How have you shown compassion to yourself…or have you?
Pandemic Shifting = Mental Health Shifting
If you are like many, you likely have dealt with a variety of emotions, sensations, and experiences throughout the past years: sadness, anger, loneliness, grief and mourning, disconnection, and significant body tension and pains. You may have missed out on meeting with friends and loved ones, going to familiar and new places, and engaging fully in life. And you- like many - have often responded to these changes with less compassion, more negative self talk, less connectedness and more isolation, depriving many of your basic life needs.
Mental Health Shifting
As human beings, we are creatures of connection and compassion. Our basic needs for human interaction, physical presence, and relationship growth have been affected throughout this pandemic. In many ways, we have been deprived of physical touch and presence at times of life and at times of death, and opportunity to see and connect with those that we need most dearly.
What are the Effects of Social Isolation?
Why has the pandemic been such a hard blow to our function as human beings? Why is social connection so important to us as a population? Looking at it biologically, we are wired from birth with a basic human need for physical touch, social interaction, and engagement to allow for our most optimal learning and development. When we are deprived of that social connection and physical touch, it can affect everything - from attachment styles to moods to physical and intellectual development as well.
Research has shown that chronic social isolation and deprivation not only heightens mental health issues like depression, anxiety, and substance use, but it also adds to physical ailments such as higher blood pressure, heightened risks of heart disease and diabetes, and even increased memory and cognition issues as we age. And this does not even begin to address the emotional regulation or lack thereof that many have begun experiencing, as the pandemic has pushed many farther and farther outside of their previous window of tolerance.
Window of Tolerance = Returning to Connection
The window of tolerance is simply defined as the state in which our body is in its most optimal zone of arousal. It’s where we achieve our greatest levels of connection and life function. A concept developed by Dr. Dan Siegel, MD, the window of tolerance helps us explain why at some periods of our lifetime we can easily manage our own anxiety, anger, sadness, and pain, and at other times we truly struggle with coping.
When individuals experience trauma, it is often more difficult to manage our own emotions; we can become triggered by people, places, and activities and struggle with basic function itself. You may not think you have endured life trauma, but consider this: you have been thrown outside of your basic ability to cope and function effectively the past few years. That is the definition of trauma, and this is just what the pandemic and social isolation have done to our bodies inside and out.
Returning to Connection
Our window of tolerance has been shrinking- taking less and less to move us out of stability and emotional regulation - and more and more things may likely be affecting both our joy and our basic function. Some of us may have become more anxious and angry about our current life circumstances, perhaps more out of control with our emotions, perhaps having less opportunity to process through with others, perhaps resulting in less connection and coping overall (hyperarousal).
Others of us may have started shutting down, or disconnecting from our own emotions as we have been separated from others, our loneliness moving us toward isolation, depression, and further detachment (hypoarousal). To put it simply, we have not been able to function as we once did, and it has been both emotionally, physically, mentally and socially painful to try. I want you to realize that this is NORMAL; this is our body trying to tell us that we are going through something that hurts, and we need further support.
Connection + Compassion = Healing
The stress and loneliness stemming from isolation over multiple years now has had a vast effect on our mental and physical well being. Not knowing how the future will proceed, how do we start to address that? How do we start to heal? It starts by turning toward our basic human needs.
According to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, our motivation and growth as human beings is dependent on the following basic needs being met: our physiological needs of food, shelter, and clothing; our safety needs (internal and external); our needs for a sense of love, belonging, and connection; and our needs for self esteem and self actualization of.
Throughout this pandemic, many of us have been struggling to keep and maintain just the first one or two basic needs (see picture). It is no wonder that we have struggled then with motivation, energy, and connection to life! We have been deprived of core human needs that keep us grounded in life, help us realize our own identity and being, and connect us to our potential.
We can only return to that sense of motivation, engagement, and growth by meeting these basic human needs as best as we can amidst life obstacles. Connection and compassion are key here, and both within our wheelhouse of control.
Using Connection and Compassion to Fuel Healing
In many ways, the pandemic has created a sense of social isolation and disconnect, but we have also had a part in it in how we have faced and managed it ourselves. Have you noticed yourself trending to more self judgment? Have you noticed yourself reacting with more negativity toward yourself and others, as things have spiraled out of control? How has that affected you, in terms of your own emotional and physical support needs being met?
Let’s talk about reaching these unmet basic needs and reestablishing balance with self compassion and connection. Simple practices of mindfulness and self compassion can help us soften the pain and lack of control we are experiencing in the current world. By staying present, we can learn how to be kind to our own bodies and selves, and discover further how our body reacts to pain and difficult emotions.
By learning to be mindful in our own body, and compassionate with our self and intentions, we can shift from reacting in this world to responding to it. We can move from separation and isolation to connection. First within ourselves, and then with our newfound inner resources, outward with others.
Creating Connection and Compassion In Us First
So how can we help meet our basic needs, and find our way back into our window of tolerance? How can we initiate our own connection and compassion needs in healing?
First, we can become more aware of when and how we are experiencing and reacting to pain and isolation. Rather than not acknowledging this pandemic and how it has affected us, we can be mindful of our emotions and responses. What are you telling yourself when you are on your 5th zoom call of the day, when you are home sick again awaiting test results, when you can’t find your mask nor energy to go out socially?
Is your internal dialogue saying “I don’t like this feeling”, “I am so tired of feeling this way”, “I must be doing something wrong,” or “I shouldn’t be like this?” When we react and respond in negativity, we cut ourselves off from the connection and compassion that still exists in our own selves.
Mindfulness practices involve being present and aware of what we are doing and how we are thinking and feeling daily. Pausing to connect with ourselves is a pivotal moment of self change, as it moves us from reacting to responding - to ourselves first over life.
A helpful mindfulness and self compassion tool is a simple daily practice called RAIN. This practice assists us in recognizing four daily steps we can take for our own self healing needs:
R = Recognize what is going on in your body (emotions, thoughts, body sensations)
A = Allow the experience to be there, and sit with it as is (no judgment)
I= Investigate with kindness why these emotions, thoughts, and sensations may be coming up
N = Nurture yourself through the process (Perhaps you can place your hand over your heart to symbolically take in love and compassion for yourself. Perhaps you can go for a short walk, and focus on how your body feels to move, to breathe, and to be in nature. Perhaps you can listen to calming music, or engage in a gentle meditation or restorative yoga class.)
Mindfulness builds and expands awareness, empathy and compassion for yourself, much of which we have lost in previous years. You rebuild connections with the body and the self - which we ALWAYS will have, amidst pandemic life changes and beyond. And when your compassion is built first in you, only then do you have the strength to heal and share outward with others.
Establishing Connection and Compassion with Others
In the midst of social isolation and a pandemic, it IS possible to build compassion and connection externally as well. But we must create a greater sense of meaning in this connection, and how we can share in this journey forward. We do not live in isolation - what we do and say affects people not only in our family and friends group, but our neighborhood and greater community as well.
In connecting with others, we can be mindful of this, and create more intentional social interactions forward, with greater compassion of heart.
Creative ways to socially reengage include:
Use technology to your advantage! Videoconferencing for face/voice connection, voice calls to connect familiar feelings with tonal recognition, with individuals or groups.
Initiate quality time with those of value and meaning in your life. Go back to basic activities and ease into social reengagement by delivering meals to a neighbor or friend, playing board games with your family, or initiating projects at home or with a neighbor to enhance community and connection as well.
Consider expressive arts work! Sometimes words don’t suffice to explore all the feelings we have held and need to release over the past few years. Engaging in painting, collage work, and drawing - individually and with peers - can be a way to further express, share, and initiate social connection.
Move your bodies! There is truth in that we hold much physical and emotional trauma in our bodies - and there has been a great deal of that in the past few years! Consider yoga, tai chi, going on a walk or hike as elements of healing for yourself, as well as social connection with others.
Connection with Others
These past few years have been a struggle for us all, and created a sense of separation, loneliness, and need amidst pandemic isolation. But we are learning ways to bridge that gap. To reconnect - first with ourselves and then with others.
Responding with connection and compassion truly are critical elements of healing for current times, and all the unknown that lies ahead. Just be kind.
If you are struggling with mood and behavior changes related to the pandemic, contact us today to schedule a free consultation. We also provide support for women struggling with anxiety, trauma, motherhood and attachment issues.
Disclaimer for Blog: The content of this blog is meant solely for educational and informational purposes only, and does not constitute mental health or medical advice. It also specifies that the use of the blog content does not establish any therapist-client relationships.
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