Healing from Emotionally Abusive Relationships
Emotional abuse may not leave physical wounds, but it can leave emotional wounds that require healing and care. People who have experienced emotional abuse may be impacted by trauma that makes forming relationships or trusting others difficult. Letting family, friends, loved ones, or future partners in can be scary when you’re still living with those wounds. Healing from emotional abuse can take time, but it’s possible to heal and be ready to accept love from yourself and others, put your trust into others, and develop gentle and healthy relationships.
What is emotional abuse?
Relationship abuse is defined as a pattern of behaviors used by one partner to maintain power and control over another partner in an intimate relationship. In the occurrence of emotional abuse, the perpetrator will insult, humiliate, and create fear and self-doubt in an individual in order to control them. The experience of emotional abuse may result in the individual’s reality being distorted and they may question their own judgment and what they know to be true about themselves and the world around them. People experiencing emotional abuse often internalize the abuse as their own internal flaws or failings.
What are the warning signs of emotional abuse?
Emotional abuse can manifest in many different forms, but there’s some notable behaviors that most abusers will engage in. Knowing the warning signs of emotional abuse can be important to help you identify if you’re being abused by your partner. Emotional abuse is centered around manipulation, control, isolation, humiliation, and threatening or demeaning behavior. Signs of emotional abuse include:
Attacking your values or sense of self worth.
Isolating you from friends, family, and acquaintances.
Excessive jealousy, paranoia, and accusations about being with other partners. Insulting you and criticizing you for everything you do.
Engaging in demeaning behaviors, such as insulting you in front of others, making jokes at your expense, and having sarcastic responses to your emotions.
Monitoring and controlling your behavior, such as where you spend your money or who you spend time with.
Withholding affection or stonewalling you to punish you.
Gaslighting you when you’re upset, such as calling you crazy or saying you’re making things up.
Regularly teasing you and ridiculing you.
Only providing conditional love and care.
Threatening your safety, property, or loved ones.
Love bombing: extravagant displays of affection following abuse.
How does emotional abuse affect an individual?
Abusers often engage in manipulation that can cause their partner to turn their pain and blame inwards, rather than examining the abuser’s behavior. The tactics of emotional abuse may lead the person experiencing the abuse to question their own judgment, self-worth, values, and understanding of themselves. While healing from an emotionally abusive relationship, the individual who experienced the abuse may hold beliefs about themselves that were developed while in the abusive relationship. For example, a person who was consistently called “crazy” and “stupid” may begin to hold the belief that these things about themselves are true. This person may spend time ruminating on these beliefs and considering how they can adapt their behavior. They may also struggle with problems of self-esteem, anxiety, and depression.
When to leave an emotionally abusive relationship
If you’re asking yourself whether or not it’s time to walk away from your emotionally abusive relationship, here’s some questions to consider:
Does my partner make me feel unconditionally loved?
Does my partner make me feel comfortable, or do I frequently feel nervous around them?
Do I feel like I must walk on eggshells around my partner?
Have other relationships in my life changed since entering this relationship? Am I no longer in contact with friends and loved ones?
Do I feel as though I have control over my own financial choices?
Do I feel as though I have control over my own social choices?
Does my partner help me feel confident?
Does my partner respect my boundaries?
Do I feel heard by my partner?
Am I able to bring up the things that upset me to my partner?
Am I able to make mistakes around my partner?
How to heal from emotionally abusive relationships
Leaving an emotionally abusive relationship is challenging, but it is possible. One of the major factors in healing from an emotionally abusive relationship is accepting reality and pushing through the distorted thoughts that had developed throughout the relationship. Another challenging reality to accept is that your partner will not change and these circumstances will continue to impact you until you walk away. It can be difficult to leave when your self-worth has been damaged by the relationship and you may not believe that you deserve any better. However, researching abuse, speaking to a licensed therapist, reconnecting with loved ones
and talking to other survivors can help you gain an understanding that experiencing abuse was never your fault. Practicing self-compassion and rebuilding your self worth may be a long road, but it is possible.
Some affirmations to consider:
I accept myself as I am.
I deserve the same love I give to others.
I am worthy of compassion.
I allow myself to make mistakes.
I am doing the best I can.
I am always enough.
I accept my faults and quirks.
I am choosing to love myself unconditionally.
Therapy for healing from emotionally abusive relationships
Having the help of a licensed professional while healing from emotional abuse can be beneficial. There are several different treatment modalities that are proven to be useful when healing from abuse:
EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing): an effective form of therapy for treating trauma and other responses that may come as a result of the abuse. EMDR works to release emotional experiences that are trapped in the nervous system through bilateral stimulation. Traumatic memories are reprocessed by the brain, resulting in painful feelings being exchanged for more resolved, peaceful feelings.
CPT (Cognitive Processing Therapy): aims to help people who feel “stuck” by their thoughts about the trauma. The therapist uses Socratic questioning and other strategies to help the client question his or her unhelpful thoughts about the trauma (e.g., self-blaming thoughts) in order to modify any maladaptive thinking. Therapists may particularly focus on safety, trust, power, control, esteem and intimacy as these are all areas that can be affected by traumatic experiences.
Somatic Experiencing: This approach uses a body-first method to address symptoms, with the idea that healing or freeing this physical experience of trauma can also help heal the emotional experience. It can be particularly helpful for physical symptoms related to trauma, abuse, and other emotional distress, such as digestive issues, chronic pain, etc. Somatic therapy may include yoga, meditation, breathing exercises, dance, grounding, and sensation awareness.
Music, Art, or Dance Therapy: Forms of art therapy can allow the client to tap into their sensory memory, allowing clients to process trauma visually when words fail them. These methods can be particularly helpful for people who have also experienced or witnessed abuse as a child. Art therapy can improve self-esteem and strengthen a sense of self. Creating art can also foster a sense of safety and well-being, which is crucial to recovery.
To learn more about emotional abuse, visit these helpful sites:
If you are struggling in your relationship or want support with a potentially abusive relationship, contact us today to schedule a free consultation. We also provide support for women struggling with anxiety, trauma, motherhood and attachment issues.
Disclaimer for Blog: The content of this blog is meant solely for educational and informational purposes only, and does not constitute mental health or medical advice. It also specifies that the use of the blog content does not establish any therapist-client relationships.
Share the good word! Follow us on social media:
Instagram: @cactusflowerhealing | Facebook: Cactus Flower Healing