Body Acceptance: Tools for Using Compassion to Heal Your Relationship with Your Body
When it comes to body image, many of us cringe. Perhaps you find yourself constantly comparing your body to your friend’s. Maybe you find yourself enviously scrolling instagram and wishing you looked like that. Or maybe you are in a cycle of stepping on the scale, hating the number you see, and promising to lose the weight. Either way, you know the feeling of being uncomfortable in your skin. My goal is not to tell you how to change your physical body, but rather, how you can change your mindset and the way you relate to your body - and create the body acceptance you (and your body) deserve.
Guess what?
If you resonate, you have come to the right place! I am truly so honored that you are here. The purpose of this blog is to help you lessen the shame and blame game around your body, without telling you that you need to lose weight or change it! No matter what shape your body is, you absolutely do not deserve to wake up each day and feel ~gross~. It is my mission to relay this to every person on this planet. My goal is not to tell you how to change your physical body, but rather, how you can change your mindset and the way you relate to your body. I can assure you that by the end of this blog, you will leave with tangible tools and techniques for bringing compassion into your life and ending the battle with your body.
Why should we be compassionate towards our bodies and how does this help create body acceptance?
Excellent question. To answer this, I’d love for you to explore the following questions:
How many days do you wake up, look in the mirror and think something negative?
How much time (or as I like to call it “mental real estate”) do you spend hyper fixating on ways your body feels?
Would you want a young child (perhaps a younger you, or even your children) to experience these feelings?
If not, do you believe you deserve to feel this way?
Take a moment and truly think.
I want to simply bring awareness to the fact that this body image battle takes up a LOT of mental space. And likely, you’ve been extremely unfair towards yourself. In fact, I am sure you wouldn’t even say half of these things to another individual. So why say them to yourself?
Here’s an analogy that resonates with many of my clients. Imagine each day you are allotted a “full battery” of energy ( think like your phone battery). You wake up and have 100% life energy, (so long as you get a full night's sleep) and can use that set amount of energy expenditure anyway you like. But guess what? Not all energy is equal! In fact, negative energy (cough, cough the kind you use when berating your body and wishing you looked different) actually depletes your battery faster and makes it less efficient.
So now I want you to think again. How much of your battery is spent hyper focusing on body stuff?
50%? 75%? 99%?
I promise you aren’t alone in this. Once you gain awareness of this principle, you begin to realize the opportunity cost of your mental real estate. In other words, you begin to comprehend how much you could accomplish if you weren’t mentally preoccupied with how uncomfortable your body feels. Now, I say all this to help you buy into the idea that body compassion is worth it. You deserve to spend your days in peace, not hating every inch of you, and accepting the body you have.
So with that in mind, let's move onto the elephant in the room. You are likely rolling your eyes at me. You logically understand this principle, but it’s not that easy.
And I 1000% agree. If only we could flip a switch and suddenly love our bodies and never say another negative thing again. But we can’t, which is why I want to highlight that this journey is not an overnight approach, but rather a gradual, patient process. Just like we cannot expect our child to grow overnight, we cannot expect to wake up tomorrow and have everything figured out. Rather, the progress happens so slowly we barely notice. But then seemingly out of nowhere, one day you look at your kid and think, Huh, when did you get so tall?
Body Neutrality- What is it?
The first step to bringing compassion into your life and lessening the negativity around your physical features, is a concept called body neutrality. Body neutrality is the notion of not hating your body and not loving it. Think of it as a middle ground between two extremes. It is focused around accepting and respecting your body for how it functions and what it does, over its appearance. The goal is not to “fake your way” into loving your body, but rather begin appreciating all the things your body allows for you to do. Body image coach, Anne Poirier, wrote the book The Body Joyful in 2015, and it is an amazing resource if you want to learn more.
Differences Between Body Positivity and Body Neutrality
Now you may be thinking, wait a second, but what about that hype term body positivity that I have been hearing all over social media?!? Is this the same thing?
Ah! So glad you asked.
No, it is not and this brings up a beautiful distinction that we get to make: the difference between body positivity and body neutrality. Body positivity is a social movement that began in 2012 in which challenges societal beauty standards. The goal is to promote acceptance of all bodies, regardless of size, shape, gender and skin tone. Because the movement's goal is to counter “norms” of beauty, body positivity has a more inherent emphasis on finding the beauty in all bodies. One could say that appearance still has a valid seat at the table.
However, body neutrality differs in that it takes appearance’s seat away from the table entirely. Rather, it acknowledges the unrealistic nature in assuming a person can and will feel good about their body. It honors the idea that the pressure to feel positively about oneself can be super frustrating, and therefore, it is not a moral imperative.
What are the advantages of body neutrality?
While the body positivity movement has done some phenomenal things in the scope of questioning societal beauty standards and increasing inclusivity in the beauty industry, for the purpose of this blog, I am going to focus on how to utilize neutrality as a means of bringing compassion and body acceptance into your life.
While body neutrality is still in its infancy, it has been found to have many great benefits.
First off, studies show that adopting this principle improves self-esteem and reduces anxiety due to its focus on lessening judgment around one’s physical appearance.
Next, body neutrality promotes mindfulness because it shifts the mindset in which one relates to their body. Instead of viewing our physical form through a lens of purely aesthetics, it creates inner peace for those who don’t “love their body.” Because guess what?! That is OKAY!
It honors and accepts marginalized and non-conforming bodies, as it affirms the notion that all bodies are worthy and valid. Period.
Furthermore, due to the close relationship of body image, food behaviors and exercise, many individuals struggling with eating disorders, disordered eating and difficult relationships to food and exercise, can have major benefits from adopting a body neutral lens.
How to improve confidence and body acceptance through body neutrality
So may now be thinking, okay great. I get it. It’s a cool concept! But how do I *actually* put it into practice?
Look no further. Below I have compiled a list of 6 ways to boost your confidence through body neutrality
Focus on what your body allows you to do.
No shocker here! Perhaps make a list of all the incredible things your body provides for you. For example, your ability to walk, digest food, provide energy, power your life force, etc. The list is endless. The truth is, your body is the vessel that allows you to do the whole ~human thing~ which is kinda cool.
Set boundaries around diet culture.
Next time you see a commercial for the most recent fad diet pop up on T.V or hear a family member talk about how they are losing weight on “xyz”, excuse yourself and set boundaries! There is nothing wrong with removing yourself from triggering situations and telling your friends and family that you do not wish to participate in a diet-focused conversation. You get to protect your peace. Always.
Consume body neutral content.
We often take for granted how much our subconscious affects us. Imagine the power of switching over your instagram feed, tik tok content or any other social media platform that you love. If you don’t know where to start, here is a list of influencers to check out: @mikzazon, @allira.potter, @kyauchiha, @guyoverboard, @dylanalcott. As always, feel out the individual. If you vibe with their content, great. And if not, you never have to follow anyone you don’t resonate with!
Throw away (or donate) clothes that don’t fit.
This one is hard, but trust me SO worth it. Maybe you are holding onto that old pair of jeans because one day you may fit into them? But yet every time you go to try them on and they are still too tight, you get disappointed? Do they end up serving as a reminder of what you could look like? My point is, we cannot shame our way to happiness or hate our way to bliss. If they have sentimental value, consider making them into something else! I promise, having a wardrobe that fits your current body will immensely help boost confidence.
Patience, patience and more patience.
I mentioned this earlier, but it takes a village to unlearn indoctrinated beliefs. Especially in our body-centric world, this concept may take a lot of hard work. As with anything, this journey is one grain of sand at a time. You may not notice a huge mental difference day to day, but then one day wake up and realize your first thought wasn’t a pessimistic body image comment. Every win counts.
Seek out professional support where needed.
It is absolutely essential to have a qualified support system around you, especially at the beginning of your body neutrality journey! There is never shame in seeking help from licensed professionals.
If you are struggling with body image and learning to love - or at least tolerate - yourself, contact us today to schedule a free consultation. We also provide support for women struggling with anxiety, trauma, motherhood and attachment issues.
Disclaimer for Blog: The content of this blog is meant solely for educational and informational purposes only, and does not constitute mental health or medical advice. It also specifies that the use of the blog content does not establish any therapist-client relationships.
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